Despite attending the 2006 tournament as Sven-Goran Eriksson’s official plaything, Walcott has never actually played in a World Cup proper.
Now the Arsenal delinquent insists damaging his cruciate ligament is the best thing that could have ever happened to him.
He said: “If I had been fit enough to go to Brazil, I would have spent the whole time wondering what kind of trousers Gary Lineker was wearing.
“Watching football on television is my second favourite thing in the world. Obviously my number one past time is paying other men to kick the shit out of me – that makes me feel so alive.
“Oh…. I also like pretending to read books in a public place. I can’t read and never intend to learn.
He added: “To be honest I can’t wait until my career is over. I envy people like Michael Owen – he got injured so much.”