The former Arsenal show pony appeared on SKY this week with all the charisma of a dilapidated veterinary hospital.
A source within the BBC confirmed the broadcaster wants to recruit as many personality puddles as possible.
The source said: “The Beeb know they can’t compete with the glitz of SKY, so they have decided to go completely the other way and hire a bunch of undead fuck knobs.
“If viewers thought Alan Shearer was boring wait till they see Henry – the guy can’t even finish sentences. It’s like listening to a dementia sufferer who is also a giant cunt – it’s a winning combination and one we hope to take forward.”