International sex bomb Wayne Rooney is to front a campaign promoting headbands for balding flatulent men.
The Manchester United prodigal twat, ostensibly wore the fetching skull accessory to protect a wound sustained in training.
But now a source close to Rooney has confirmed he loves his new garment, and intends to wear it to raise awareness of the stigma surrounding bald professional athletes, who look fat but aren’t in fact fat.
“Wayne feels he is the poster child for deformed looking people in the public eye.
“The headband really got people talking. It seemed daring and new; and that excited Wayne.”
Rooney has faced constant speculation about his appearance; including one tabloid story which alleged that he had lost a fight with a Japanese bullet train.
Now, after the England star’s courageous stance against his critics, a spokesperson for charity, Bald and Beautiful, has praised Rooney’s heroic actions.
“Wayne is an inspiration to people who have survived car accidents or are just genetically ugly. His lack of ‘aesthetic genetics’ have not affected his sense of fashion and frivolity.”