Wayne Rooney has blown the lid off the inner workings of Manchester United.
The striker, who has been granted political asylum by his grandparents in Liverpool, sent a series of internal communications to whistleblowing site Wikileaks.
A spokesperson for the site has confirmed Rooney’s apparent defection.
“Mr Rooney has sent us an abundance of club emails and letters, that firmly prove that he is a total fucking idiot.
“Amongst the material is a letter insisting that he stop shagging hookers and ogling the elderly canteen staff at Carrington training ground.
“But easily the most note worthy item was Rooney’s birth certificate which shows him to be Middle-Earthian humanoid, whose well co-ordinated feet make up for his total lack of intelligence or self-control.”
Manchester United released an official statement condemning Rooney’s actions.
“We believe this co-operation with Wikileaks was an attempt by the player to facilitate a move out of the club.
“The owners, the board and the coaching staff have no respect for Wayne and laugh at the very mention of his worthless existence.”
A source close to the England frontman, confirmed their shock at this latest embarrassment.
“Since Wayne’s arrival on Earth, the coaching staff at Everton, and now United, have done everything to help him adjust to life as a human.
“Ok, maybe they couldn’t get him to read or write, but he at least owes them for supporting him through his rampant whore-mongering and propensity to make the wrong decision at every turn.”