Perennial runner up Arsene Wenger has confirmed he intends to stay on as Arsenal manager until the end of time.
The boring sack of wrinkly flesh, who doesn’t like success, revealed the news while sucking the life out of the once magnificent North London club.
He said: “My relationship with the board is like an old marriage. Deep down we are very unhappy, but don’t have the balls to break up and find someone new.
“Crucially, we don’t care about the fans and hope they are suffering. I think that is an important point to make.”
Every morning Wenger wakes up and sticks his head in the toilet ready for a new day of underachievement.
A source close to the manager confirmed that holding the club back while its rivals’ progress is almost like a religion for the tall streak of lanky French piss.
“Arsene often watches other matches and claps and fist pumps when Spurs or Chelsea score. He really does hate Arsenal.”