Arsene Wenger has admitted he doesn’t understand the concept of money and ‘zones out’ when it is explained to him.
He said: “When I was growing up, my father took me to a commune where everyone was naked and had no worldy possessions.
“Of course, people constantly tell me about ‘money’ but I just don’t get it. I apologise if this annoys people.”
There have been suggestions that the Arsenal boss has become traumatised by the decadence of modern football which has resulted in him reverting back to his feral upbringing.
In fact, Wenger did confirm that he now attends board meeting wearing only his untrimmed pubic hair and the spectacles which once defined him.
He said: “I sometimes enter the room and instantly start to cry. It is very uncomfortable for everyone involved.”
The North London club’s summer transfer dealings have been about as eventful as an annual Locked-In Syndrome conference.
And, with the transfer window about to close, and most professional footballers possessing some kind of ambition and aversion to working with a moron, Arsenal could be left like a proverbial lost child in a supermarket crying for parents who never loved them.